Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im holly from the hills drunk
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
