so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize