Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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