I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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