There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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