I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
