we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
