i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize