doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
