i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
