he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
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