you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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