Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
