you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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