I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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