We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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