He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
