I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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