Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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