lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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