There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
