Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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