Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
