Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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