I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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