he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Gay?
German.
Pity.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize