dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just cut my nipple shaving
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
