so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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