I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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