saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
