you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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