i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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