I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
