my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
