some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
