It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
