WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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