i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
