I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
