You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
