my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
