worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize