dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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