Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
