and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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