I looked at my own cervix.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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