remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it because I queefed?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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