She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I could fuck to npr.
Two words: blizzard sex
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
