I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
