You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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