i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just cropdusted the office
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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