You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He passed out mid-signature
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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