I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
did i just pee glitter
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
