So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And then my night got REAL pukey
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we're so committed to being not committed
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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