She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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