I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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