Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
