There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
