theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
