He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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