just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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