you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
