wrigley field is MILF paradise
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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