she kept yelling 'call me bella'
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
