If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
