I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
