i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
