I swear she didn't look like that last week.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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