We named our party play list daddy issues
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
