someone threw a dead crab at me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
