If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
