Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
