I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
