I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize