We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
