Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize