Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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