yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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