My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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