just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
