non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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