i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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