she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize