That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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