You're completely useless in the revolution.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
