Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
