we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
