he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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