i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
