Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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