i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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