Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
