She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
