oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
