I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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