Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
