And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize