Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
