i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
