im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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