why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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