So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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