turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
