Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
