the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
