please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
